A knitting Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful blond girl named Miranda(of COURSE she was beautiful. Have you ever heard of a fairy tale that started, "Once upon a time there was a butt UGLY girl?I don't think so). Now, Miranda wasn't the sharpest needle in the knitting basket(of course not, she's blond, right? And we've all heard those blond jokes). You might even say she seemed a bit on the dumb side. But she could knit. Boy, could she knit!

Miranda made the most beautiful, gossamer shawls imaginable. They were light and airy, and looked like fairy wings. You could almost imagine them flying away. Every year Miranda and her parents traveled to the local county fair, where all the townspeople lined up to see what wonderful creations Miranda's needles had created.

Miranda didn't think much of her knitting, though. I mean, really, does anyone in these stories EVER appreciate what they have? Of course not! If they did, we wouldn't be able to learn some kind of moral lesson from their stupidity, now would we? Miranda spent most of her days dreaming, as beautiful girls in fairy tales are wont to do. She dreamed that she could actually fly with one of her sets of gossamer wings. She didn't really know what she was going to do once she got up there, but that wasn't the point. She just wanted to do it.

So, kids, what do you think happened next? That's right, Miranda came upon a troll in the forest. This was a particularly nasty troll. He spent his days capturing and eating all the unfortunate children who didn't listen to their parents and wandered away into the forest(see, I TOLD you there wasa lesson here!). The troll had ripped his pants chasing a couple of really fast kids into the woods(they escaped, but that's another story). Since trolls don't work, he had no money for new pants, so he was sitting on a rock whining. Sure, he could have gone into the village and bartered with someone for a new pair of pants, but then where would our intrepid heroine be? No magical little creature to strike a bargain with, that's where.

He was crying, "woe is me, woe is me, I've no one to knit for me"(hey this is a fairy tale, not Shakespeare, for crying out loud). And Miranda, of course, being the not so bright girl that we already know she is, promptly ran up and said, "I will knit for you". She, like all those other children, completely ignored her parents' warning not to talk to strangers, and NEVER to talk to the troll in the woods. Now, the troll got around. He had heard of Miranda's gossamer shawls. "What good would a pair of gossamer breeches do me, girly? I need something that will hold up to my daily activities." Miranda said, "I will knit you a pair of breeches that will never tear, if you will do something for me in return." Now the troll figured there was no way Miranda could make a pair of pants that would not tear, so he decided to give it a shot. "Okay, what do you want?" he asked. "I want to fly." Miranda said. "Granted" the troll said.

So Miranda went to work. She knit the troll a pair of breeches out of the most indestructible material she could find. She tested and tested, and couldn't tear them no matter how hard she tried. She took them to the troll. "Hand them over" he said. "No. First you give me the ability to fly" Miranda said. "Fine" said the troll, "But if I can rip them, all bets are off". "No problem" said Miranda.

Miranda took out one of her gossamer shawls from here pack. As usual, it looked exactly like fairy wings, and Miranda had even thought of a way to strap them on her back. She put them on, and then said to the troll, "Okay, let's do this. Give me the power to fly". "Give me my breeches" said the troll."You have to close your eyes and let me fit them on you" said Miranda, "For they are special and must be fit properly". "Oh, all right" said the troll, closing his eyes. "You can fly get on with it.

Miranda pulled the pants she had knit for the troll on over his old pants. For, you see, Miranda had knit them out of lead. She had heard all the stories from her parents about the children who got lost in the woods and the troll ate them, so she figured she would do something about it. The pants were so heavy, the troll couldn't walk. He would never be able to catch the children and eat them again. And now she could fly!

"Hey!" sadi the troll. "You tricked me!" Miranda smiled sweetly. "No, I didn't. I promised you a pair of pants that would not tear. These will not. I fulfilled my part of the bargain. And you can't renege on your part of the bargain, it's against the rules(Yes, children, there are rules in fairy tales, don't you know?)." And with that, she flew away on her gossamer wings.

And the moral of this story? Miranda may have been blond, but she was not dumb.

And there, children, is your knitting story of the day.